cuti dah dekat tapi not really in holiday mood..

I hope holiday is not coming around...why...?coz banyak lagi assignment tak siap and banyak lagi kena buat..dah tue lepas raya lak ada 2test and assignments yang kena subit..tadi lecturer bagi consultation regarding final project..lecturer tur ada sentuh tentang communication...apa yang lecturer cakap tadi macam betul je...yes i admit dalam grouping ni banyak benda nak handle..dalam 4orang 1group pun dah payah nak handle apa lagi kalau dalam 8 ke 9 orang group member...lagi banyak ragam dan kerenah yang nak dilayan..kadang-kadang rasa nak give up juga tapi bila fikir lagi buang masa nak give up sekarang nih since dah nak habis semester..tahan je la..entahlah...memang tension tahap yang terlampau lah..mana tahan hari-hari macam ni..dah tu si dia dekat seminggu tak contact..rindu juga lah tapi kena tahan bila bersama dengan dia ni.. kena ikut rentak dia..and seorang kawan aku ni memang suka sangat seksa aku..memang tak sah kalau tak seksa hidup aku..tadi aku ada terserempak dengan dia tapi aku buat tak tahu je..bukan apa..cuma aku rasa sakit hati dekat dia..

Saya tak kisah bila kamu bersama lelaki itu kerana kamu bisa menjadi milik dia.

Tapi apa yang melukakan hatiku bila dirimu menjauh dari aku dan menafikan hal yang sebenar.

Nyatakan hal sebenar dan bebaskan diriku dari terus tertanya-tanya.

Cukuplah dirimu menyeksa diriku..

kalau boleh aku tak nak cuti. salah satu sebab kalau cuti nanti aku pokai..then tak dapat jumpa si dia..dahlah seminggu dia tak contact langsung..lagilah lepas cuti karang busy nak final memang tak dapat jumpa pun...uhue...tapi yang best kalau cuti karang, ada ex schoolmate ku ajak jumpa..dorang ajak pergi jamming..aku on je..janji ku dapat lepak-lepak dengan dorang..transport pulak ada sorang laki ni bermurah hati nak angkut kitaorang..hehehe..bahagianya hidup...at least walaupun tak rapat dulu, kalau jumpa area uitm, dia akan tegur or paling tak pun dia akan senyum.. laki tue sekarang kalau tak silap part 3 Tourism...aku pun tak pasti sangat..hehe...sorry bro...k la...panjang sangat dah ni...kat budak2 yang beraya, selamat hari raya aidilfitri...baik2 k..tahun ni aku dapat duit raya dari best friend of mine..walaupun tak banyak, tapi amat bermakna...ampun maaf di pinta..halalkan semua makan minum, terkasar bahasa and tingkah laku..adios...

09 09 09

wat a great n wonderful date n somthing great happen today..one of my old fren bday ystrdy..km lm dh x cntct coz ada krisis yg wjd atas sebab kdegilan dan keegoan msg2..i guess..today she in a sad situation..dia khilangan one of her best friend.. might dun understand or know wat she feel right now but i feel great since her willing to tell me wat happen..byk lg yang aku nak share tapi bukan sekarang ye..mgkn next time...

this songs is for you

Cry On Your Pillow

I wanna be,

I wanna be

I wanna be more

I wanna be,

I wanna be

He says he loves you

Now you don’t wanna leave

You’re so confused you think you’re right where you wanna be

I’m always here for you; truth is its killing me

Cuz I know when you come back what it’s gonna be

I let you have a good cry

I’ve been taking this lying down

Now I’m inside out

I think you got the wrong guy

If I never said it before

Girl I’mma say it now

He’s tearing you apart

The heartbreak don’t stop

Come home and cry on your pillow

Right here to catch you when you fall

You know I’m the one you call

Come home and cry on your pillow

I got a shoulder you can lean

Take it all I’d give you me

Cuz I really wanna be much more than your pillow

More than a best friend (best friend)

I think it’s evident

That I wanna be more than your pillow…girl

When you’re lonely

When he leaves again

I’m the one standing by when you need a friend

When you’re hurting

When your hearts in two

I’m the one s’ always there to help you make it through

I let you have a good cry (a good cry)

I’ve been taking this lying down

Now I’m inside out

I think you got the wrong guy (wrong guy)

If I never said it before

Girl I’mma say it now

He’s tearing you apart

The heartbreak don’t stop (don’t stop)

Come home and cry on your pillow (home…and cry on your pillow)

Right here to catch you when you fall

You know I’m the one you call

Come home and cry on your pillow (come home and cry on your pillow)

I got a shoulder you can lean

Take it all I’d give you me (I’d give you me)

Cuz I really wanna be much more than your pillow (pillow…)

More than a best friend (best friend)

I think it’s evident (evident)

That I wanna be more than your pillow ‘girl’

I understand if you’re scared

Cuz baby I’m scared too

But if you take a look inside your heart then you know it’s true

There ain’t no way he’ll ever love you like I do

So tell me what’s the use on being with someone else (someone else)

Tell me why do you do this to yourself

You can do better than that

You’re so much better than that

Said I just wanna make you happy cuz this…

He’s tearing you apart

The heartbreak don’t stop (tearing you…apart)

Come home and cry on your pillow

Right here to catch you when you fall (catch you when you fall)

You know I’m the one you call

Come home and cry on your pillow (home and cry on your pillow!)

I got a shoulder you can lean (you can lean…ohh)

Take it all I’ll give you me

Cuz I really wanna be much more than your pillow (said I really wanna be much more)

More than a best friend (best friend)I think it’s evident

That I wanna be more than your pillow girl (that I wanna be that I wanna be)(WoooOoOoh)

I wanna be (I wanna)

I wanna be

I wanna be more

I wanna be,

I wanna be(WoooOoOh)

I wannaI wanna be (I wanna),

I wanna be

I wanna be more than your pillow girl.....

tis songs is special songs...

i really mean all the words in tis songs...

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?

Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto

Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni

Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou?

Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi

Afuredasu kotoba, wakatteta no ni (mou todokanai)

Hajimete deatta, sono hi kara

Kimi wo shitteita ki ga shitan da

Amari ni shizen ni tokende shimatta futari

Doko e iku no ni mo issho de

Kimi ga iru koto ga touzen de

Bokura wa futari otona ni natte kita

Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?

Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto

Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni (mou kanawanai)

Tokubetsu na imi wo motsu kyou wo

Shiawase kao de tatsu kyou wo

Kirei na sugata de kami sama ni chikatteru, kimi wo

Boku ja nai hito no tonari de

Shukufuku sareteru sugata wo

Boku wa dou yatte miokureba ii no darou?

Mou doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?

Ano koro mo, bokura no koto, mou moderenai (kangaeta) modorenai (kangaeta)

Doushite kimi no te wo tsukami ubaenakattan darou?

Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto

Boku no yoko ni, iru hazu datta (sono mama nii)

Sore demo kimi ga boku no soba nara to itte mo

Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru koto

Tada negatteru

Tatoe sore ga donna ni sabishikutemo (setsunakutemo)

translation why did i end up fallimg in love with you

why?

did i end up falling for you?

no matter how much time has passed

i still thought

you were right here

but you've already chosen a different path

why?

couldn't I call out to you at all?

every day and night growing emotions

and words overflow

but i realized that

they'd never reach you again

since that day I first met you

i felt like I already knew you

You and I melded into each other so smoothly

it was natural for me

to be where you were

the two of us grew up together

but you've already chosen the different path

why?

did I end falling for you?

no matter how much time has passed

i still thought

you were right here

the special meaning held by this day

today you stood with a happy expression

you looked beautiful while praying to God

but I wasn't the one next to you

and the image of you receiving the blessings

how could I let it go?

so why?

did I end up falling for you?

how we were before?

we can't return to it anymore(I've thought it through)

why?

didn't I hold on to your hand?

no matter how much time has passed

you should've always

been by my side

never changing

but still

even if I'm nowhere near you anymore

i'm praying that you

may be happy for eternity

no matter how much that would make me lonely

no matter how lonely

reading the lyric every single words makes me a little bit touched by it..

i can't imagine if i've to let the person that love walked away from my love

my life empty now without you...

mggu ni aku cuti khas....

Sorry coz my blogger is more to the way I practice my language, typing skill, editing, express feeling. If you are think what I write is for you, I’m so sorry. Ada kawan ku tanya kenapa tak update blog. Satu sebab aku tak update coz ku busy. Banyak sangat nak kena buat. Minggu ni memang minggu penuh dengan cabaran. Aku kena jadi student and jaga family on the same time. Habis class je, petang kena balik rumah. Huhuhu...Memang penat giler. Dahlah weekend pun ada aktiviti. Tak dapat nak rilex sangat. Pagi Isnin pula ada kuiz tapi aku tak study lagi. Dahlah ada assignment aku tak siap lagi. Alamak..I don’t know where I get the disease yang pasti sekarang ni aku dah start batuk-batuk...huhu...Hari ni ada dua ceramah. 1 tentang H1N1 and 1 lagi Women Health & Sex. Something like that. Yang mengejutkan aku my ex ada dekat situ. Ku pelik juga mula-mula. Rupa-rupanya dia jadi technician tak bertauliah. Balik tu kena ambil kupon out. Yang kawan aku ni sibuk nak bawa aku lalu dia. Memang aku lalu. Aku apa lagi senyum and pandang kat dia, siap bergurau lagi macam tak ada apa-apa yang berlaku. Argh...jangan harap aku nak tegur dia lagi. Kawan aku cakap dia ada tegur aku tapi aku tak tengok pun dia. Apa lagi, PADAN MUKA. You don’t really know who I am now. I’m now the same person that you know before this. I am a new person that nobody can predict what I’m going to do. So far, I’m happy after the answer that you gave me. So, please. Don’t start it over again. My friend asked me why don’t I just say Hi to him? I said “No”. My friend said “If like this when will you people ‘berdamai’?” “No at all. Now I’m quite happy with my life coz I erase his name from my memory. As long I’m happy and I do not disturb him, please.” To somebody if you know who I’m talking about tell this guy that please stop any plan or steps that he want to do with me. Just go on with your girlfriend, your future wife, your friends, your life and leave me alone and let me happy with my future boyfriend, future husband, future life, my friends and my family. I’m happy enough with my life now although sometimes I might down by our memories but I promise those won’t effect my life anymore coz I’M JUST WASTING MY LOVELY LIFE AND TIME IF I KEEP ON HOPING YOU COME BACK THROUGH MY DOOR. THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN US. I ONLY NEED MY OLD J AND NOT THIS NEW J THAT BELONGS TO THAT GIRL. Just give both of us chance for the moment..perhaps till we done with our diploma..then till the day i’m open my heart to befriend with you again, i’m hope when the day come and i decide to rebild our relationship perhaps then i wont turn back again and regret any decision that i made. It take long time for me to let you to come in my life again coz you never convience me that we are friend. Your attitude never show that you really want it.

kronologi cintaku

Last Saturday daftar diri kat UiTM Kampus Kota Samarahan. Roomate ku, Y, S and V. Minggu ni memang full cuma hari nie free sikit. Malam tadi 1.22am dah kena bangun and mendengar PM2 marah kami till 4am. Dahlah malam tue ku habis mesages dengan J dalm pukul 1 lebih...Memang tak tidur lah aku malam tue. Yes, next week J masuk sini dapat PRA Sains. Bestnya.

(05 July 07)

J dah pun masuk semalam. Dia called ku and tanya kat mana suis kipas. Lama gak dia called. Dalam 3minit lebih. Then dia nak jumpa ku before kitaorang start exam. Time tue exam untuk tentukan class for Bel 120 kalau tak silap. Bergaya betul. Dengan cermin mata. Dia nampak cute, handsome, cool, elegan...semualah. Terpikat aku. Paling teruk, time tue dia ada mengadu yang roomate dia ‘lembut’. Ngeri betul dia.

(07 July 07, our 1st year anniversary)

Petang habis class, ku ajak J pergi library coz nak buat PTPTN. Tapi malangnya library tutup. Then kitaorang ‘dating’ kat kantin till 5.30pm lebih. Sampai ku dekat bilik, roomate ku semua sakat ku. Diaorang tanya puas tak aku dating. Macam-macam lagilah.

(09 July 07)

Tengah hari Dear @ J ada called. Mengada-ngada pula panggil ku Honey. Ku nak juga panggil dia Dear tapi takut adik ku dengar. Dia siap kata “Miss you Honey. Love you Honey. Dear want to kiss Honey.” Ku pun balas, “Love you too, Dear. Miss you too, Dear.” Tapi kiss tue ku tak jawablah.

(02 September 07)

First-first ingat nak dinner kat kantin dengan Dear last night tapi parent ku datang hantar barang. So lunch date kat kantin the next day la. Hari tu kitaorang guna baju yang temanya coklat keputihan. Tapi nang bestlah. Kamekorang plan this Thursday jumpa g. Tengoklah.

(09 September 07)

This is messages from Dear.
- Dear pun pening coz tak dapat lihat Honey...
- Honey...Dear miss Honey...can’t wait for tomorrow...
- Honey...you’re not my friend, not my girlfriend, but Honey are everything for Dear...love Honey very much can’t describe with a word how much Dear love Honey...
- Dear pun miss Honey, very miss Honey
- Honey, Dear ngantuk, can Dear sleep with Honey?
- That only picture, Dear want the real Honey

(10 September 07)

Petang dalam pukul 5 lebih, Dear called. First-first dia message tanya ku ada clazz tak. Ku cakap ku baru habis class. Lepas tu dia called. Adalah dalam 5minit lebih. Malam dia called lagi. Time tu aku tengah dinner. Tapi sekejap je dia called.

(11 September 07)

Dear tiba-tiba message “Honey...do you mind if one day, you reall become my Honey” “Just want to ask, until now semua girl yang Dear suka tak suka pada Dear, maybe Dear should couple with Honey... Semalam Dear pun message “Good night Honey, Dear want to hug Honey in Dear’s dream”. “It will, coz Dear miss Honey...”

(14 September 07)

Messages from Dear (26 September 07) Time tu kitaorang ada gaduh sikit..
- I’ve a lot of problem...But, when I’m with u, I was the happiest person, I love u Honey, sorry. I broke my promise...las nite I said I’ll neer send tis word to u.
- I can’t stand it anymore...that word make us closer to each other...Honey...Dear love Honey very much
- Honey...I’m sorry, okay...
- Love Honey too..

Another message from Dear. (Translation)
- Namanya Elizaberth, I call her Panda, burung, Honey and I Love her, Janet called her Inik Andan..org lain called her Berth
- Elizaberth I Miss You...why you didn’t message me? Yes, I’m busy all the time but I want to receive your message, read it then reply it...why you didn’t message me?..
- She know because I Love her...
- I don’t care..I Miss you...I love you...I want to see you...
- About you la...I’m happy eventhough it is only dream but I see you and talk to you...

More messages from Dear
- That’s why honey must be happy..don’t sad la..okay...dear don’t want honey to sad
- What happen? Don’t like that...don’t leave me....alone without honey here...dear need honey
- Dear didn’t ask Honey to be someone else, just be my Honey, be my Elizaberth, be my Panda, be my frenz, be my gurlfren that always happy..

(Unknown date)

From Dear (Again unknown date coz I forgot to write it...) (Translation)
- In you heart...tak dapat keluar, Honey close Honey’s Heart macam mana nak keluar...dear nak mandi ni, cepatlah open you heart...
- Good night....I’m chatting wit another Jes instead of me rite now...now i know...Honey...i’ll try my very besy not to hurt your feeling.
- Honey..I’m sorry because I’m disturbing Honey, I want to thanks Honey because Honey always by my side when I’m down, when I’m sad... I REALLY LOVE YOU HONEY...

Somemore....
- Dear want to hug Honey but can’t, Dear want to kiss Honey but can’t, Dear hope Honey appear in Dear’s dream tonight...
- Okay...tak apa, wait for another day to see Honey wouldn’t kill me...just a bit rindu to see Honey.
- Since the day I started to miss Honey...
- Dear didn’t study...Dear just tell what in Dear’s heart...
- But I wouldn’t kongkong Honey...because Dear also don’t want Honey kongkong Dear...
- Honey...if that person is me, I wouldn’t
- K..Honey, sometime Dear thinking bout Honey, Dear really love Honey, hope we can stay together...

More and more...
- Honey...I’m sorry for what I’ve done, what I’ve said...sorry if I ever hurt you, I still and always love you...
- Honey In my heart...
- Dear also love Honey
- Honey too always support me...
- No matter for long we didn’t see each other that’s not important...important is we already meet each other again...
- (Time aku cakap nak tukar handphone, I told “wait till Dear change for Honey..”)
- Wait till Honey really become my Honey...but Honey always said don’t want if Dear asked
- Honey I Love You...
- No matter what happen I will always loves you...

Messages from Dear (after ku agak lama tak message Dear; 21 November 07)
- What happen to you? Why you didn’t msg me?...If you don’t want to be my friend, just tell me...so I don’t have to wait everyday for you msg..
From me
- Dun say like dat my Dear. Of course Honey want to be ur frend and if possible I want to be ur special. I just not feeling well tis few days. Wat makes u think like dat?
Dear
- Nothing...I want to ask you something? Do you like me..?
Me
- As what? As friend? As brother? As boyfriend? As lover? How about you?
Dear
- As boyfriend..if you do...please don’t...I know I’m too selfish and I can’t control others feeling..
Me
- How about if I say yes? Why? Do you love me too? I admit I do love you as boyfriend. How about u?do u love me? From d bottom of ur heart
Dear
- No...
Me
- Hmm...who say that u r selfish? For me u r not dat kind of man..
Dear
- Thank you..for everything...your birthday will coming soon but I still don’t know what t give you.
Me
- Really? It’s ok..I don’t really need any present. Enough for me if I get birthday wish from d person dat I loved
Dear
- But I want to give you...and I will give you...
Me
- Well, up to you and I wont force you. You are not selfish. For me u r special coz u always by my side and dat was a special present for me.
Dear
- You also always by my side...

One of the message that I love
I will send black rose, I want to be Honey’s enemy so Honey will never forget me, I’ll send pink rose and yellow, I want to be your special fren, orange and white rose, I want to be ur best wishes and live a peaceful life with you, I’L ALSO WILL LOVE YOU, THAT WHY I’LL SEND RED ROSE

Message from Dear (13 December 07)(Translation)
- Ingatkan kamu yang kahwin, nasiblah cousin kamu yang berkahwin...masih ada peluanglah aku macam ni...
Message from me
- Kenapa pula bimbang kalau aku yang berkahwin? Kalau aku kahwin pun bukannya kacau hidup kamu. Kalau saya kahwin pun., saya nak kamu jadi pengapit saya.
Message from Dear
- Taknak...saya nak jadi orang yang duduk di sebelah kamu...hahaha...
Message from Dear (14 December 07)
- Suka hati la mahu tidur awal...aku tidur dengan kamu boleh tak..?
Message from me.
- Tunggu sampai kamu jadi kekasih ku kalau kamu mahu tidur denganku.
Message from Dear
- Kalau aku kahwin pun, aku nak berkahwin dengan kamu.
Message from me
- Kalau tak ada orang yang suka aku, kamu sajalah yang kahwin dengan aku.
Message from Dear
- Aku sayangggg kamu Panda...tak tahu macam mana nak kata, i wish we always can be friend...good morning...

(17 December 07)

Those are my real story...Some of the text I translate it...I admit I still thinking about him especially when I bump with him in UiTM. Now, he is happy with his girlfriend which is his own coursemate and classmate I guess. One of my friend ask me why don't you befriend with him? I asked her back, "Can't you stay with someone that you love happy with his beloved one?" And my friend said "No" so it is what I feel too..

assignment....busy....boring....

da 1 lg assgnment yg ku kn siapkan..then br ku dpt rilex ckit...ala...weekend ni ku kn stay n most probably ku kn stay kt uitm utk sbulan...sabtu ni da xtvt fakulti (OPEN MIKE DAY) dr 2pm till mlm...mlm da dinner tema die black n denims kalo x slh...then mggu 1 lg da xtvt kolej slama 2mggu bturut2...las weekend ku kuar la dgn my 3frens...ktaorg g swimming poll dh tu g mkn dkt jalan song...punyala jauh ktaorg mlancong...hahaha....ptg tu dgn bdn yg pnt2 ku tpaksa buat assgnment...padan muka...nh x siap lg keja ku boleh on9 n tntn tv lg...dasar gila la aku nh...pttnya aku nk kuar hr nh dgn buddy ku tp sbb aku busy ckit so aku ckp kt dia nex wik je kuar...lgpun tgh pokai gler nh...duit dlm dompet pun x smpi rm 10...huhu..nk mkn pa dgn rm 10 je....?dh la pmohonan elaun mkn kn rjected...frust nye...huhuhuhu....

friday is come...

wat to say...?today is friday...now almost 3.30pm and im at library now online looking for materials for my assgnment...dah la lmbt....huhu....i have to complete 2individual assgnment 1 of them is article summary n another 1 is DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PARCHMENT, VELLUM AND MANUSCRIPT...both of the assgnment i have to submit nex week...so this weekend i have to spend my time with my assgnment...so sad kan...?org keluar enjoy dgn kwn2 n gerek or sapa2 la tp ku spend time n stay dkt bilik dgn assgnment...it's ok....lgpun ku mmg single pa...hr biasa ssh ku mau concentrate..mdhn weekend ku dpt focus...tp boring la menghadap laptop je..sakit mata ku...naik juling dh ddk dpn laptop je...k la...jmp lg la nex blog kalo aku free la...kt member smua, enjoy ur weekend..kalo korang kuar, jgn lupa blikan aku mknan ye...coz im hungry gler....hungry tahap lipan... peace dude...kt my new follwer, tlg gn wrn font yg bsesuaian..ku mau baca pun seksa jiwa n raga ku...hahaha....